Tozer and a Thirst
“O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more, I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still.” – A.W. Tozer The Pursuit of God
all week I have fought this prayer. Especially, “I want to want Thee, I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still,” for why would I want to want Him more or “to be made more thirsty still” when it would only produce longings and not satisfy them.
After a conversation with my friend, Ashley, a new way to understand Tozer’s prayer began to take shape. In the midst of our conversation, about John Mayor’s desire to play more secondary markets, she went on a tangent about some of her frustrations with American Christianity. Stemming from her experience in the music industry she noted how Christianity has made its own separate world or bubble from which it can safely enjoy “music.” This led us to discuss how American Christianity attempts to play it safe by creating a bubble. It is from this bubble that everything must be experienced, from church to music to books to movies. It seems there’s a subtle pressure for our faith to find itself within this bubble and when it doesn’t then we have awkward/wrong faith or at best win the questioning gazes of those from within the bubble. “We’ve forgotten how to be in the world,” she commented as we talked about what it means to be in the world but not of it. I don’t think the bubble is something Jesus is too proud of.
Should we get so mad at the darkness for being dark, or at the light for not shining in the darkness?
I have permanent ink within my skin, primarily secular music fills my iTunes, and I drink beer. I mention these things because (especially while I was in a conservative Bible college) these were the things the Christian bubble didn’t permit our faith to come in contact with. My longing for the goodness of God has led me down a path to find beauty and truth in places I’ve long been told it doesn’t exists. And on this path I learned a few things: it takes great skill to draw and engrave art within the human skin, music robbed of creativity and excellence isn’t worth listening to, and hops taste good. But even greater than this I’ve learned to long for God’s goodness and pursue it.
To allow fear to keep us from pursuing the goodness of God will leave us in a place far worse than the one outside the bubble. “A thirst to be made more thirsty still” will yield great fruit when fear is pushed aside and we chase after the water. All Souls is a community where I’ve been encouraged to chase after the water and have found faith, hope, and love.
So tonight I can finally pray, after wrestling all week, as Tozer once prayed: “…O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still…”
all week I have fought this prayer. Especially, “I want to want Thee, I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still,” for why would I want to want Him more or “to be made more thirsty still” when it would only produce longings and not satisfy them.
After a conversation with my friend, Ashley, a new way to understand Tozer’s prayer began to take shape. In the midst of our conversation, about John Mayor’s desire to play more secondary markets, she went on a tangent about some of her frustrations with American Christianity. Stemming from her experience in the music industry she noted how Christianity has made its own separate world or bubble from which it can safely enjoy “music.” This led us to discuss how American Christianity attempts to play it safe by creating a bubble. It is from this bubble that everything must be experienced, from church to music to books to movies. It seems there’s a subtle pressure for our faith to find itself within this bubble and when it doesn’t then we have awkward/wrong faith or at best win the questioning gazes of those from within the bubble. “We’ve forgotten how to be in the world,” she commented as we talked about what it means to be in the world but not of it. I don’t think the bubble is something Jesus is too proud of.
Should we get so mad at the darkness for being dark, or at the light for not shining in the darkness?
I have permanent ink within my skin, primarily secular music fills my iTunes, and I drink beer. I mention these things because (especially while I was in a conservative Bible college) these were the things the Christian bubble didn’t permit our faith to come in contact with. My longing for the goodness of God has led me down a path to find beauty and truth in places I’ve long been told it doesn’t exists. And on this path I learned a few things: it takes great skill to draw and engrave art within the human skin, music robbed of creativity and excellence isn’t worth listening to, and hops taste good. But even greater than this I’ve learned to long for God’s goodness and pursue it.
To allow fear to keep us from pursuing the goodness of God will leave us in a place far worse than the one outside the bubble. “A thirst to be made more thirsty still” will yield great fruit when fear is pushed aside and we chase after the water. All Souls is a community where I’ve been encouraged to chase after the water and have found faith, hope, and love.
So tonight I can finally pray, after wrestling all week, as Tozer once prayed: “…O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still…”
Labels: General Thoughts
posted by Clinton at 4:01 AM
7 Comments:
Hey Clint, thanks for your early morning post. What are you doing up at 4:01 AM by the way? You might like to read "Holy Longing" by ?????--you could look it up on amazon--written by priest who writes about how we can channel longing into the pursuit of God.
I'm with you and your friend. I find much of Christian art to be insipid. I do like some Christian music bc it reminds me of worship experiences throughout my life. However, some of Christian music leaves me cold.
Last year at a conference, I watched a "famous" Christain sculptor fashion a face of Jesus in 5 minutes or so (out of clay) and his "art" was deeply disturbing. First of all, art is not created from speed (most of the time), and second of all, who knows what Jesus looked like?
My art (poetry) is born out of great pain,longing, struggle and sometimes joy. It may take me three years to get a single poem right. It comes from a very deep part of me.
I believe that all "beautiful" art comes from God--the Shekinah glory--which is the feminine creative
side of God, by the way.
Peace. Deborah
ds, thanks for your words and the book recommendation. I googled and found Ronald Rolheiser wrote "The Holy Longing." More info here.
i find most of the art, music, and film i admire and learn from are the ones born from places of great struggle for understanding. something about the artist's interpretation of their understanding touches me and encourages me to keep pursing an understanding to my questions. i guess you could say i find connection in their struggle.
what is 'beauty'? why do you see "all beautiful art [coming] from God--the Shekinah glory..."? i'm interested to know more.
-shalom
Re: Beautiful art--I don't mean
"beautiful" in the sense of artwork being aesthetically pleasing (necessarily). Some really memorable poems are not about "nice" things, but they are still beautiful because they capture a human emotion or event in just the right language.
I thought you might like to know how the Oxford Dictionary of World Religions describes shekhinah:
(Hebrew "dwelling") the divine presence. . . .generally it signifies God's presence in the world. It is frequently associated with light....It supports the sick, it rests on a worthy married couple, and proselytes are said to be taken under its wings....The Kabbalists argued that the Shekhinah was the tenth and final of sefirot [God's emanations]and represents the feminine principle. Everything that happens to Israel is reflected in the Shekhinah and she is the first goal of the mystic in his attempt to reach devekut [communion with God]...In Islam, sakina is supreme peace sent by God.
As for the tie in with art and light and God, I'll use an idea from james Baldwin's "Sonny's Blues." One of the characters learns to have true communion with his brother when he learns to "hear" the suffering in his brother's piano playing. The narrator concludes at then end of the story that art channels what's in the soul and that "it's the only light we have in all of this darkness."
You'll like "Holy Longing." The title comes from the poem "Holy Longing" by Goethe and appears at the beginning....
Okay, it's Christmas now. I guess Advent is over!
Merry Christmas!
Deborah
Clint, I would like to go back to your post, for a minute. Having grown up in a fundamentalist background (Baptist, then Methodist, then other), I was for a long time on the "other side" (or in the bubble) from where you are now. At that time, I would not have respected your views at all - everything was pretty black and white. But in a slow process over the past decade, my thinking and theology has changed dramatically and I find it very difficult to go to my past, even for a short time. I respect you for where you are now and encourage you to continue your spiritual search. I think one of the problems for Christians like you and me - ones who are trying to use the resources God has given us (e.g. our minds discussed fairly well in a book entitled The Scandal of the Evangelical Mind) - is that everywhere we turn, especially in this area of the country, we are in the minority. We are strangers in a strange land and easily become discouraged in our journeys. Perhaps, this is where All Souls can be of great comfort and encouragement in our walks. There are (many) others of us on the same path, willing to share our struggles and problems, willing to step out of the bubble (or the box) to try to find the real meaning of bringing God's kingdom in this place and at the same time (even though they are not mutually exclusive) finding this relationship that Tozer and many others have found. God be your guide and bless your search. David
hey clint it's chris suder! david said, "We are strangers in a strange land and easily become discouraged in our journeys." Check out Hebrews 11. Strangers and exiles upon the earth. If the place we are in search of is an earthly one we would've found it.
Deborah, i have so much to learn about art and our Heavenly Father's glory. I am very familiar with the Sh'kinah glory of Hashem. I love how Oxford's dictionary describes it. I'm doing a lot of thinking about music within the church and its role. i'm at a huge wall right now but Baldwin's "sonny blues" seems to be tossing a rope down for me. i know a guy who is a music/"worship" leader at a church in waco who will often not sing to allow the music to carry the people, or "channel" what's inside them toward Adonai. i'm looking forward to getting my hands on "holy longing." just out of curiosity what role do you see music as having within a "worship" gathering?
David, a professor of mine suggested Noll's book a few years ago...have been slow to pick it up, but am looking forward to reading it. Noll is an excellent writer and his other writings have connected with me. He and I seem to think about a lot of the same stuff. I also found a lot of encouragement in what you said about being a stranger.
Chris, it was a good conversion with you the other day, you brought up another amazing point about what we're searching for. It can be easy for me to forget that these are merely shadows of what is to come.
Clint, I'm glad that Sonny's Blues is helping. I find that literature
has often helped me to "find" myself because it often tells me what it means to be human. Here's a radical thought--maybe the holy spirit inspires such writing too.
As for the role of music--I think it is to help us get out of ourselves, to feel God, to feel joy, and peace. My friend Alan says that he became a Christian when he heard a group of children singing in Romania. Wasn't Augustine hearing children chant when he took up the Bible and began to read? (Tole something)Music is special and if you have the gift of music, you are very lucky.
Were you in church last night? I liked what Doug had to say about the "second" conversion. I have been kind of experiencing that recently (time will tell whether it's a crazy response or real). But after nearly 7 years of not experiencing God, suddenly I no longer feel alone inside. That's the worse feeling in the world--to have God and then not have God. I can't even begin to explain it.
So hang in there, Clint and keep
doing the things that you did
when your faith was fervent (praying, meeting with other Christians, reading scripture). God will show up again.
Deborah
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