Some Reflections on Doug's Sermon (6-13-10)

This originally was posted at http://wp.me/puJQo-3M.

I, whether by circumstantial conditioning, or nature, am a very anxious person. I’ve spent the last three months of my life worrying about a lot of things — school, my relationship with my fiancée, my relationships with my parents, my relationship with my fiancée’s mother, my finances, papers, work, etc. To paraphrase the character Aldous Snow in GET HIM TO THE GREEK, “[my] life is a laundry list of things [I] have to worry about.” It wasn’t until this past week that I’ve realized how much I worry and demand control over my own life.

My week began with a very convicting Sunday night. Normally, I would have just listened to what the sermon was about, analyzed it, found the holes in it (if there were any), and gone on. However, it was a very different night. The topic was on what causes a person to worry, and how that affects a person from living the life that Christ wants them to. I dare say, if it had been any other night, I would have done my normal routine. However, having spent the last month worrying about my finances, my future with Ash, being the husband I need to be, how I am going to pay off loans, and whether or not it is the best thing to stay in grad school, I was under quite a bit of emotional duress. It was at that point that as I listened to the sermon, allowing myself to really chew on that passage (Luke 12:22-34), that I began to “get it…” sort of. I started to understand that God knows what I need. In that particular passage, Jesus is talking to his disciples and he tells them “EVERYBODY needs food, clothing, and shelter. God knows this. He will make sure that you have that. People worry about that every day, and the world runs on those things. Worry about the Kingdom, I’ll take care of you” (paraphrased).

Now, I know this is difficult, especially for guys in long-term relationships. Most males will want to make sure that his family is provided for and that they aren’t going to be in dire straights once creditors come knocking, or an emergency happens. It’s hard to believe in something you cannot see, touch, smell, or measure by any empirical means. However, faith isn’t empirical. Faith isn’t quantifiable by any technology that we have in place today.

In light of that, it is ok and it is normal to struggle with worrying about whether or not you will be provided for, or whether you can provide for someone other than yourself. But once you get to the point where you know God is happy when he can take responsibility for the things he said he would, then the edge gets taken off of worrying about the stuff you have to have in order to live.

To take it to a deeper level – I was with my dad on Sunday, during which, we celebrated Father’s Day. He had asked how I was doing and in the course of our conversation, I mentioned to him what I had just written. He then told me about a friend of his who is struggling with the same thing. However, his friend had a little more insight into why he struggles with the issue of worrying so much–trust. My dad told me that his friend doesn’t really believe that “every good and perfect gift comes from above.” It was then that it hit me: I don’t trust that God is who he says he is.

God says that he will provide, that he will take care of our needs. I am not so sure of that. I have seen so many things during the last year that would speak contrarily to this. But God isn’t a God who changes based on my circumstances. He exists outside of my feelings and my beliefs (or unbelief, for that matter).

All this goes to say, that by worrying, I am showing a profound distrust in the character and power of an infinite being — one that promises to take care of my needs and who cares more about me than he does the flowers that I see at the florist downtown, or the pigeons that amble around Market Square. That is something that I haven’t ever understood and am just now getting to the point of comprehending exactly what that all means. I’m not a dumpy bird, nor am I part of a bouquet…I’m a child,a friend, and a beloved of the Most High. I am part of the little flock, under the guidance of a loving, gentle Shepherd who is happy to give his flock the Kingdom…when they let him.